I don't know about you, but one of my favorite things to do is to totally overload myself and put entirely too much on my plate. Both in life and at Golden Corral.
For as long as I can remember, I've always had to stay busy. There's always been something that I've needed to fix, or someone I've needed to be somewhere for, or a story I've needed to listen to. I've always taken pride in the fact that people feel comfortable coming to me with problems or issues or their troubles, and trusting me to be able to give them some advice or just listen when they need someone. It's lead me to a point in my life where I have become a self-proclaimed empath (well, i'm not sure if there's like, an official designator that does that or something so we'll just stick with 'self-proclaimed' lol) and it's one of the things that I take very seriously and stay mindful of the fact that not everyone has the same patience or ability.
Now, firstly you should know that this isn't meant to be a bragadocious post or a self-writeup where I'm kissing my own ass all the time lol. It's almost cringey for me to even write about in the first place, as a person with major self-worth and self-esteem issues. I don't accept complements well, certainly not from myself lol, and I usually get an overall feeling of 'yuck' when people say nice things to or about me, even though I appreciate the kind words when I get them. But for this post in specific, I just felt that it would give way for a better understanding of what I actually want this to be about.
So, all of that being said, my question is this...having spent so much of my life being there for everyone else when they need someone, when is it acceptable to seek some advice or understanding of my own from someone else? Furthermore, being as introverted and self-relient as I have become over the past few years, who would I go to with such concerns? Having shifted my entire focus to making a name for myself in the art community through my work, I've kind of forgotten to allow people to know who I actually am. And that, folks, can be a really isolating, lonely life.
I don't at all want to seem like I'm complaining about anything. I have been working hard, probably the hardest I've worked toward something in my life up to this point, and now I'm starting to see results of that hard work. At the same time, as rewarding as it is to see my career start to both take off and grow at the same time, it's left me with alot of unanswered questions, and alot of things that I just don't know how to improve upon or take care of myself. The internet is a great resource for information (most of the time and only some parts of the internet lol) but I can't say that I don't miss the feeling of sitting down with someone or a group of friends and getting wrapped up in a debate or in talking about shared passions. Along with that, being able to pick up the phone and text someone (yes text, I have always despised actually talking on the phone for some reason lol) with a quesiton and getting an answer that makes me say "damn i never would have thought of that". Its the simple things, yknow?
Now, as I may not have the same number of friends, or contacts, or whatever you want to refer to whoever as; I have learned to valus quality over quantity. And sure, I've still got some shitty ones in there, who doesn't have someone that's just one big eyeroll in their life, but I can say that overall the few people I choose to surround myself with these days are pretty top notch. I find myself at an impass though. A place where, I've been the listener for so long, and while I very much love that I can say that and that people view me that way, I find myself asking "who listens to the listener?" on a pretty frequent basis.
I'm making a conscious effort from here on out to put myself out there more. In real life, and not online lol, trust me I'm pretty far out there as far as that's concerned lol. What I mean is that I need to make more of an effort to go to events, meet people, meet people that are involved in the Arts and who I can connect with on a real level about the world that I'm trying to be a part of, and that I'm so passionate about. Once I can tackle that and get that figured out, I think I might just be able to have it all for once.
